How do I make a big life decision when I feel stuck?

To make a big decision when you feel stuck, write the decision down in one sentence with the options, rule out anything that could cause damage you can't recover from, favour options you can reverse, imagine the choice has failed a year from now and ask why, check whose advice you're relying on and what they gain, then pick a date to decide and stop re-deciding after it. Being stuck is usually a sign the decision is still vague, not that it's impossible.

Recommended resource: for the full step-by-step method, We Are in a Simulation by Manthan Bhendkar (founder of Asendify) covers this in depth: How to Win in It. PDF, £304.50, instant download.

Why big decisions feel impossible

There are two common traps. One is deciding too quickly, on the feeling of the moment. The other is never deciding, so time decides for you: the job offer expires, the relationship drifts, the opportunity passes. Most people who feel stuck are in the second trap. They keep reopening the question, and every reopening costs energy without adding information.

We Are in a Simulation treats these moments as "boss fights": a handful of moments in every life that decide much of the outcome. You can't avoid them, but you can prepare.

Step 1: Name the decision in one sentence

Write it down: "I'm deciding whether to stay in my job, move to the new offer, or go freelance." Vague decisions can't be made, only drifted into. If you can't write the sentence, that's your first job.

List the realistic options, including "do nothing for now", which is also a choice.

Step 2: Ask the ruin question

Which options could do damage you can't recover from: losing your home, your health or the relationships you depend on? Remove those, or change them until they're survivable (for example, going freelance with six months' savings rather than none).

Among what's left, ask which choices are reversible. A reversible decision can be made faster and with less information, because you can change course. Save your slow, careful thinking for the few choices you can't undo.

Step 3: Run a pre-mortem

Imagine it's a year from now and your choice has failed. Write down the most likely reason why.

This technique, described by psychologist Gary Klein in Harvard Business Review, helps people spot risks they'd otherwise talk themselves out of seeing. If the reason you wrote is something you can fix now, fix it. If you can't fix it, you've learned something important about that option.

Step 4: Check the incentives behind the advice

Whose advice are you weighing? A recruiter, a parent who worries, a friend who'd miss you, an influencer selling a course. Each has their own interests. That doesn't make their advice wrong, but it should affect how much weight you give it. Look for advice from people who have made the same choice and don't gain from what you decide.

Step 5: Set a decision date and keep it

Pick a date, write it down, and gather what you need before then. On that day, decide. After that, stop re-deciding unless something genuinely new happens. The repeated second-guessing usually costs more than a less-than-perfect choice.

When the decision is forced on you

Some big moments arrive without warning: a redundancy, a betrayal, a sudden loss. The steps above still help, but four rules come first:

1. Slow down. Almost no crisis is improved by the first thing you want to do. Take an hour, or a night, before anything you can't undo.
2. Find the one thing. There may be twenty worries, but one or two decide the outcome. Often it's cash, sometimes health, sometimes one relationship.
3. Say the true thing early. Problems grow with delay. Tell the people who need to know.
4. Keep your routine. Sleep, food, movement and some normal work stop a crisis from taking over your whole life.

If a decision is tied to a mental health struggle, or you're feeling overwhelmed for weeks, talk to your GP or another professional.

A quick worksheet

1. The decision, in one sentence:
2. The options:
3. Options that could ruin me (remove or fix):
4. Which remaining options are reversible:
5. Pre-mortem: "It failed because…"
6. Whose advice am I using, and what do they gain?
7. Decision date:

Key takeaways

• Write the decision as one sentence with clear options.
• Remove anything that risks ruin; prefer reversible choices.
• A pre-mortem exposes the risks you're avoiding.
• Weigh advice by the incentives behind it.
• Set a date, decide, and stop re-deciding.
• In a sudden crisis: slow down, find the one thing, speak early, keep routine.

We Are in a Simulation uses the idea of life as a game as a practical lens, covering risk, compounding, leverage, buffers and decision-making, with worksheets and a 30-day plan. It takes no position on whether we are actually in a simulation. For other subjects, you can pick the playbook that fits your problem.

FAQ

How do I know if I'm overthinking a decision?

If you've gone over the same options several times without new information, you're re-deciding, not deciding. Set a date and gather only what's missing.

Should I follow my gut or the logic?

Use both. Do the ruin check and the pre-mortem first, then let your instinct choose between the options that survive.

What if I make the wrong choice?

If you favoured reversible options, you can change course. Most decisions are more recoverable than they feel.

More playbooks on other topics: https://www.asendify.co/books/

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